Unmasking as a Woman and Mother: Why It Feels So Disruptive—and So Necessary
Unmasking isn’t a glow-up.
It’s often messy, disorienting, and deeply emotional—especially for women who have spent decades being who others needed them to be.
For many neurodivergent women, masking began early:
Being “easy” instead of authentic
Being agreeable instead of honest
Being productive instead of regulated
Unmasking means questioning identities that once kept you safe.
Why Unmasking Feels Like Losing Yourself
When your sense of self has been built around:
Competence
Reliability
Emotional containment
Letting go of the mask can feel like falling apart.
You may wonder:
Who am I if I stop performing?
Will people still love me if I need more?
What if I can’t go back?
These fears are common—and valid.
Motherhood Can Trigger Unmasking
Many women begin unmasking after becoming mothers because:
Chronic overstimulation makes masking unsustainable
Children require authenticity
Old coping strategies stop working
This isn’t regression. It’s truth emerging.
Therapy During Unmasking
A therapist trained in neurodivergent-affirming care understands that unmasking:
Is not pathology
Is not selfish
Is not a phase
Therapy can help you:
Grieve old identities
Set boundaries without guilt
Build a life that accommodates your nervous system
Learn who you are without constant self-monitoring
Unmasking isn’t about becoming less capable.
It’s about becoming less divided.